This sounds like the difference between inner intention ("applying force") to outer intention ("letting people be how they’re going to be, long enough to see who they actually are.") in reality transurfing terms. We're all guests in this world...we don't get to judge others, and they dont get to judge us. And somehow, we're going to figure out how to make it work like that. I feel its easier that way. Expressing discomfort - seeing what response they have as information. Moving on - making decisions based on who they are - not trying to make them someone else.
We make it sound so easy lol 😂 but it’s more like carrying lots of water and chopping lots of wood I guess - loving people with wide open hands is a lifelong practice of correction maybe 🤔
Let your discomfort be highly visible. Get annoyed. Pull back. React with your body.
Also practice being prepared to talk and articulate the exact thing that is bugging you. And be prepared to say 2x. Everyone's listening skills suck for this reason repeat it a different way. Often (in my experience) NOTHING gets said. The words do not come out of her mouth but she is saying them in her head, judging and concluding without talking. Then maybe she talks to her girlfriend and says, "I talk him exactly what I'm telling you" and it didn't happen. Make sure you say with words what you want and need or what you don't want and don't need and understand telling the truth can be annoying and offending to people...especially men and there is a good chance he stands up and says, "F this. I am outta here" That tells you he is not grown up, can't handle the truth, and you should move on.
I think we all get to decide how much feedback we are available to give especially around core values. Ultimately agreed it’s great if you say “I didn’t like that” and it results in an early end to a relationship that was going to take you life apart
I agree. We all get to decide how much feedback we give. However, if you pussy foot around and make genuine feed back smaller than yourself you are not telling the core truth of your upset. Having emotional upset is normal and good long term relationships are prepared to repair ruptures quickly. If you do not have the ability to tell the truth AND repair emotional ruptures at the same time this can be a red flag.
This sounds like the difference between inner intention ("applying force") to outer intention ("letting people be how they’re going to be, long enough to see who they actually are.") in reality transurfing terms. We're all guests in this world...we don't get to judge others, and they dont get to judge us. And somehow, we're going to figure out how to make it work like that. I feel its easier that way. Expressing discomfort - seeing what response they have as information. Moving on - making decisions based on who they are - not trying to make them someone else.
We make it sound so easy lol 😂 but it’s more like carrying lots of water and chopping lots of wood I guess - loving people with wide open hands is a lifelong practice of correction maybe 🤔
I’m loving the zen reference rn 😇🔥 and yes totally
Let your discomfort be highly visible. Get annoyed. Pull back. React with your body.
Also practice being prepared to talk and articulate the exact thing that is bugging you. And be prepared to say 2x. Everyone's listening skills suck for this reason repeat it a different way. Often (in my experience) NOTHING gets said. The words do not come out of her mouth but she is saying them in her head, judging and concluding without talking. Then maybe she talks to her girlfriend and says, "I talk him exactly what I'm telling you" and it didn't happen. Make sure you say with words what you want and need or what you don't want and don't need and understand telling the truth can be annoying and offending to people...especially men and there is a good chance he stands up and says, "F this. I am outta here" That tells you he is not grown up, can't handle the truth, and you should move on.
I think we all get to decide how much feedback we are available to give especially around core values. Ultimately agreed it’s great if you say “I didn’t like that” and it results in an early end to a relationship that was going to take you life apart
I agree. We all get to decide how much feedback we give. However, if you pussy foot around and make genuine feed back smaller than yourself you are not telling the core truth of your upset. Having emotional upset is normal and good long term relationships are prepared to repair ruptures quickly. If you do not have the ability to tell the truth AND repair emotional ruptures at the same time this can be a red flag.
Feedback and the way you choose to deal with conflict and tone of voice creates your entire relationship- on this part we agree.