Prefer to listen? I often record podcast versions of my favorite essays and share them through Substack’s audio feature. You can listen to the first two essays in this series by clicking the podcast button above.
Why You Can’t Find What You Want
It’s rare that I meet an embodiment client who truly knows what they want.
Even when they name something grounded and attainable, they can’t seem to climb toward it. They can’t sustain the motivation—or more importantly, give up what’s clearly in the way.
Why?
Because they don’t feel desire in the body.
In this six-part series, I’ll share the truth about what it takes to build desire and pleasure somatically. This is about transformation at the root, not mindset hacks, frameworks of control or shallow goals.
The Hidden Goal Is Alchemy
Alchemy. That’s what people come to me for—whether they realize it or not.
Not a relationship. Not money. Not a business plan.
They want transformation. The kind that fuses truth and passion. The kind that remakes you.
Most people don’t want a job. They want work that matters. They don’t want a partner. They want connection that makes them feel alive.
They want alchemy.
So What Is Alchemy?
Alchemy is the seemingly magical process of transformation—where two things combine to become something new.
In embodiment, this requires two key elements:
1. Reality.
What’s actually true right now.
The people in your real dating pool of life.
The things that actually work and want you back.
The available jobs you can realistically apply for with your current skills.
In my two membership curriculums this is called “what is on your menu”.
The entire world is designed to keep you shopping off-menu.
2. Embodied Passion.
The energy you bring to that truth.
It’s not what you say—it’s how you feel as you say it.
It’s not the action—it’s the energetic integrity behind it.
No matter how much memorization you do and how many rules you follow—your body is the one doing ALL the talking for you in this life.
We’ve all seen someone show up to an opportunity—whether a date or an interview—with misaligned energy. It’s brutal. It doesn’t land. And no amount of strategy or correct answers can fix it.
Patterns I See
This year, I focused heavily on truth with my embodiment clients —we focused on how our relationships, verbal boundaries, and even personal growth often get warped by avoidance.
And I watched something disturbing happen:
Clients were ditching grounded, available love and sustainable business paths… chasing fantasy.
A partner who wasn’t into them.
A business choice that drained them and never paid back.
Memorizing a new method and dying on the hill of it, using it to judge everyone —when if they were more honest it wasn’t even working for them.
And when they got what they chased so hard? When someone hesitantly agreed to follow their rule book? When they built the business out in a forced, low-profit way?
It didn’t fill them. It collapsed. Every time.
Because chasing a fantasy, instead of being with what is real, gives us a hit of sensation in a numb world.
It mimics desire, but doesn’t sustain it.
The Light Hurts—At First
We cling to shadows of our past traumas, mistaking them for light, while rejecting the real thing because it’s too intense. We sort for the familiar even when we’ve never had the experiences we wanted that way.
But the harshness of light doesn’t make it bad. It just means your nervous system needs help adjusting.
If you’ve lived in perfectionism, chaos, or trauma, clarity can feel like an assault. But like cold water shocking your skin, that discomfort is what wakes you up.
The kindest thing we can do for other humans is to learn to be with them in these moments of discomfort. Not pulling them in or chastising them for failing either, but learning to be with them in the birth and death process.
Desire Begins in the Body
Transformation is impossible without knowing what you truly want—not the shallow cravings for food, shopping, or a text from an ex.
I’m talking about a full-body, full-soul YES.
When was the last time something worked so well it exceeded your imagination?
Most people don’t let themselves want that deeply. They can’t tell the difference between real desire and distraction. That’s why their intuition stays quiet. It never fully comes online.
And that’s why nothing sticks.
Pleasure Begins in Pain
Truth hurts. At first.
Opening to the real state of your life—your unmet needs, your broken fantasies, your buried longing—feels like pain. But that’s the doorway.
Think of a woman discovering deep, full-body orgasms for the first time. She has to relax into discomfort, open into tension, surrender to something new. She has to really be with her body as it resists and wrestles with something brand new.
That’s alchemy.
The Power of Real Wanting
Wanting is dangerous. Especially in a world that confuses sensation with satisfaction.
We think we want money, love, or freedom—but often, we just want relief. We chase the feeling of power without actually embodying any. We tell ourselves a better relationship, a better body, a better income will fix the ache.
But alchemy doesn’t happen in the chase. It begins the moment you stop lying to yourself.
Audre Lorde once wrote that pornography is sensation without feeling—and that’s how so many people live. They cling to the aesthetics of love, purpose, success. They post. They curate. They perform.
But embodiment—true erotic power—is different.
It’s the bridge between your deepest feelings and your true self. It can’t be faked. You feel it when you stop pretending. You feel it when you sit still long enough to admit what you actually need.
The moment you do, something shifts. You stop trying to win back what was never yours. You stop polishing a failing dream. You stop clinging to what’s leaving.
That’s the doorway. Not desire as a fantasy. But desire as a compass. Desire as truth.
This is the beginning of alchemy—not the performance of pleasure, but the root of it.
It stings, at first.
But if you can hold steady inside that sting, something else happens. Your field clears. The energy reorganizes.
Your yes begins to hum louder than your fear.
And the real, human life you actually want begins to rise up to meet you.
Read the full desire series here: Week 1; Week 2; Week 3, Week 4; Week 5; Week 6
I write primarily to support my small business, christinaelaine.com
I am a somatic coach, writer, and curriculum creator writing about the interior life of modern relating, weekly on Medium & Substack. I also host interviews on YouTube.